Saturday, April 21, 2012

Night Sweats and Orka Whales

 I am a person that tends to jump with both feet. 
As I am approaching my mid~life crisis years,
 this trait has actually gotten stronger
 instead of mellowing out.

To allow you to keep up with my rants and raves,
 I need to give you a little bit of info....

* We are at that stage to decide if we want to keep the house we are in, 
sale it, or buy/build something new.
 (info for a later date)
* The boys are almost out of the house,
 so I would like to open a boutique. 
This has been my dream for awhile. 
Trying to figure out if it is the right time
  is going to be the questions.

So now that you are up to date,
 you will understand this much better...

Jack decided to take me to breakfast the other morning
 and somehow the subject of me opening a boutique came up.
 My question is timing. 
Do I wait until the boys are gone or open now and get it established.
 Of course I don't want to pick up this adventure,
 if we are to be going through house crap.

So being the investigator type I am. 
I told him that I wanted to drive around 
get numbers of  leasing companies,
  for the boutique to go.

I call and of course leave messages. 
Does anyone answer their phone anymore?

Well that didn't  help wet my appetite.
So I dragged Jack to the credit union.  
Need to get all the dollar ducks in a row.

Well Ms. GiGi the "banker" explains, 
"We are a credit union, we don't do business loans here."
Holy Bat Balls! 
WTF do you mean you don't do loans? 
The voices in my head are screaming! 
The whole time my neck is frozen and stiff. 
I don't dare look over at Jack and see the look of utter
 disbelieve-meant that I know is on his face. 
Well hell, I don't have to. 
He sighs! 
No, its not what you think. 
It's not the sigh of a normal person,
 that inhales their lungs and releases!!
 It is the sound that the Orka makes,
 when they are allowing water to spew,
ya know out their blow hole.

Considering half the day was gone,
 I felt the need for a drink and some lunch. 
Of course, this is the time the SOB of a male chauvinistic pig
 decides to call me about one of the properties. 
Once, the discussion of square footage and money was finished. 
He presides to tell me that considering the sound of my voice, 
I needed to go back to college and finish my degree,
 instead of having visions of a big closet of clothes that my girlfriends
 could come and play dress up.

Excuse me? 
Just how old do you think I am sir?

Upon him explaining to me that I couldn't be much over my 26th birthday,
 I decided to inform him just how far past my 26th birthday I was.
 It kinda went like this...

 for your information, you may be a successful businessman. 
But you sure as hell can not judge a woman's age over the phone. 
First of all, my age has nothing to do with business.
Second of all, 
your property is overpriced for the square footage,
 and last but not least to explain to you just how damn old I really am, 

I had to change my pajama's twice because
of hot flashes!



Friday, April 20, 2012

From Pluto to Jail

 Sitting in the dentist chair this morning daydreaming, 
and the jerk has the nerve to tell me I have several cavities
 and a crater the size of Pluto!  
The Planet damn it, not the frigging star. 
"Who does he think he is" I brush my teeth like a good girl.
 I even floss, well when crap is stuck and the toothpick won't reach it. 
But seriously, who flosses daily?

Root Canal.... What the  #?*! is he talking about?
Teeth decaying! Decay "that's what dead things do"  
As I start praying "lord help me" 
My hands start trembling and I feel the back of my neck start to sweat. 
"Oh God give me strength" 
OMG, I'm gonna have a damn anxiety attack!
 I can't breath. "Oh no" 
 I've been cussing and praying at the same time Sweet Jesus I am hyperventilating! 
All I could think of is my husband at work, 
getting a phone call from the police department,
  I had flipped out and beat the crap out of the dentist.
 Holy bat balls!
 If I go to jail I want to go down for a bar room brawl. 
Or something much classier, say embezzlement. 
Only problem with embezzlement, I always have to call the bank to reset my password. 
That won't work. UGH...

Where was I?
Oh yeah Root Canal! 
 I'm starting to surface, getting a grip of myself 
then I notice that the dentist is looking  at me a little odd and very cautious. 
As I zone back into reality...
I notice he's talking drugs.
 Woo-Hoo. He's gonna give me drugs for the pain! 
Yes!  Drugs... huh? what the #?*!

Balling my eyes out, I call to get comfort from my husband.

"Honey, I have a cavity and need a root canal and crown."
Like any supportive husband he tells me
"Oh baby, it'll be ok, 
there is no need for tears"

Which of course leads me to blubber more  
"my teeth are decaying and the dentist thinks I am on drugs!
Illegal drugs!"

 Of course he got me to stop crying by his lovely comment...

 " Right?"




Friday, April 6, 2012

Get To Know Me

Welcome to day one of my blog!
I am so excited to be starting a new journey in this
book we call life. 

In order to introduce myself, I thought it
would be fun to do it in a Q&A format.

Who am I?
GiGi is my name, 
NO I am not a stripper!
Just had to say that at the beginning,
 to get the story 
straight from the beginning. 

Married to my best friend of 18yrs. 
 Raising 2 very active boys.
Who was it that created the label?
 "stay at home mom?"
I am here to testify to you that has to be one of 
the biggest misconceptions of a SAHM!
(SAHM = stay at home mom)

The south has a few labels of itself.
 most of those labels are fairly accurate.

What am I going to blog about?
Holding onto my 30's by a string!

Basically the day to day things that we
rant and raves about instead of journaling them.

It will be a big step for me to share "everything"
but I really think it is going to be nice to talk about
my family and all the craziness that goes with it.

Why would you want to follow?
In the main scheme of things. 
We are an awesome family.
We believe in the Lord, 
we respect each other,
Say "yes sir"
 "no Ma'am"
 We are a blue collar family,
that believes in the "work hard,
 play harder philosophy of life!"

As good as we are!
 We are just as bat~ass crazy!
as most families, 
we like to hunt and fish.
Live for football and NASCAR.

The most fantastic thing about my family?
It's not that one person just goes along with the others.
Oh No, not in this house. We all love watching sports but 
we do it together! That's what makes us a little different! 

 Well, I better get going to bed.
 Have a big day of fishing

I don't want to tell you everything!