Sitting in the dentist chair this morning daydreaming,
and the jerk has the nerve to tell me I have several cavities
and a crater the size of Pluto!
The Planet damn it, not the frigging star.
"Who does he think he is" I brush my teeth like a good girl.
I even floss, well when crap is stuck and the toothpick won't reach it.
But seriously, who flosses daily?
Root Canal.... What the #?*! is he talking about?
Teeth decaying! Decay "that's what dead things do"
As I start praying "lord help me"
My hands start trembling and I feel the back of my neck start to sweat.
"Oh God give me strength"
OMG, I'm gonna have a damn anxiety attack!
I can't breath. "Oh no"
I've been cussing and praying at the same time Sweet Jesus I am hyperventilating!
All I could think of is my husband at work,
getting a phone call from the police department,
I had flipped out and beat the crap out of the dentist.
Holy bat balls!
If I go to jail I want to go down for a bar room brawl.
Or something much classier, say embezzlement.
Only problem with embezzlement, I always have to call the bank to reset my password.
That won't work. UGH...
Where was I?
Oh yeah Root Canal!
I'm starting to surface, getting a grip of myself
then I notice that the dentist is looking at me a little odd and very cautious.
As I zone back into reality...
I notice he's talking drugs.
Woo-Hoo. He's gonna give me drugs for the pain!
Yes! Drugs... huh? what the #?*!
Balling my eyes out, I call to get comfort from my husband.
"Honey, I have a cavity and need a root canal and crown."
Like any supportive husband he tells me
"Oh baby, it'll be ok,
there is no need for tears"
Which of course leads me to blubber more
"my teeth are decaying and the dentist thinks I am on drugs!
Of course he got me to stop crying by his lovely comment...
"YOU'LL KEEP YOUR TEETH THOUGH?"